|I don't know if any new players have arisen, my old standbys for DVD/BD are:
J-List is useless unless you don't really care and just want whatever crap they happen to have in stock.
Other than that, you can try a forwarding service like Tenso to order from Japanese sites. I am not sure what their policies are about adult material but I have to figure it's not an insignificant portion of the demand for a service like that.
Streaming you're not gonna find much that is legit that has an English interface and allows overseas transactions, and fewer (if any) without DRM. R18 has a really nice search and a big catalogue. There used to be a few other players but honestly I haven't kept up and some may have merged (I think DMM became R18?)